Awaken 2020

Hi friends! Welcome to my first official public blog post. I'm excited to look back at this blog and remember all the sweet and challenging times. Writing helps me process so please feel free to jump inside my mind as you read these little posts!

For those of you who do not know, right before this pandemic hit I traveled to Tijuana, Mexico with my church in Waco, Antioch. Here we served alongside a local church; All Peoples Tijuana to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. While in Tijuana we partook in several street evangelism programs all centered around sharing the gospel and inviting locals to share their stories with us through prayer and relational ministry. Serving in the streets with my team was my joy. Running around with local kiddos and sitting with older individuals and providing the space for the holy spirit to intervene in conversations was powerful. On this trip I experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit like never before. From healings, to freedom, to sweet whispers from the Father - in Tijuana my soul was refreshed and my desire to know the person of Jesus grew immensely.

Before this trip I was struggling with understanding the Holy Spirit and was caught in believing a false gospel that told me I needed to earn God's love. To be frank, I felt like God had forgotten about me and didn't care to speak to me in mighty, or even simple ways. Spiritually, I was exhausted & confused. One sweet blessing about my Antioch community is that I am never short of resources when it comes to asking the hard questions about faith. Therefore, before leaving for Tijuana I had so much head knowledge about Jesus and the Holy Spirit - but thats all it was; head knowledge. I did not let it change me. I did not realize its power. I was desperate for a touch of heaven. I was desperate for the Holy Spirit to rest on me and make me new. My journal entires leading up to the trip primarily consisted of me crying out to the Father for clarity, revelation, and that I might hear His voice.

Every morning, in Tijuana, before we went out for ministry we would spend sweet time with the Savior. The Lord showed up in these moments. Through prayer, worship, and powerful messages my Holy Spirit head knowledge began flowing to my heart and began changing me in ways I could only attempt to describe. My first journal entry in Tijuana reads "Today the Lord spoke to me. The Lord began replacing lies that told me I was too far from his presence to hear to voice, with His heart of compassion, justice, and fatherly love. The Lord invited me to throw off my past and walk on the waves with Him. He empowered me with His spirit. He taught me how to search deep within me and find the things I was holding on to that prevented me from falling into his arms. Together we recognized those things and He set me free. I learned a lot about freedom this trip. I experienced the realities of the spiritual realm in ways I have only ever read about in the Bible. I saw the signs and wonders described in Acts, and I witnessed the Father setting captives free and bringing lost sheep home.

In setting me free from my guilt, sin, and shame - He gave me a new name. Instead of the fear and uncertainty I had coming into the trip, he called me an empowered daughter of the King. I guess It's impossible to really wrap up this trip in a way that would make sense to anyone other than myself...but maybe that's okay. Basically Jesus is so alive & He is moving. He is near and He is speaking. He is a jealous God that wants His children to be set free - and He will stop at no end to grant us everlasting freedom. This is something I never fully grasped, and something I never want to lose sight of. I learned SO much in Tijuana, but for the sake of having to write a novel to fully describe it all; here's a little sample instead:

• Jesus changes everything.

• You will never experience true rest until you find God as your Father

• God wanted you from the very beginning and is with you till the very end

• Jesus knows you.

• He sees all your sin & looks at you with delight

• His goodness is NOT determined by our emotions

• There is no comparison under His name

• Freedom begins with repentance

• Comfort & calling rarely coincide

• You were made to be free

• He is doing an new thing

• He preserves us under His holy wing

• He fulfill sHis promise

• He has not and will not forget about you

• He is an almighty God

• There is room at His table

• He is redeeming the world

^^^Just to name a few...but fun fact! There is always more!!

This was my final journal entry on the bus ride back to the border:

"Thank you Jesus that you are near! Thank you Jesus that you keep your kids safe. Thank you that you hear every prayer. Thank you for safety, hope, promise, and protection. Thank you for saving the day. Thank you for reigning supremely. Thank you for hearing our cries and crushing the enemy once again. Thank you for justice. Fear has no place under your name. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for your blood that covers us completely. Thank you for making us clean. Thank you for casting out all darkness. Every last bit. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for setting your children free and inviting them into the holy place with you, Lord. Even here in the midst of my uncertainty I have found boundless peace in the father. In the light I find the strength I need. Like a river in a desert, even in the direst places there is comfort to be found. You never stop working (Philippians 1:6). You give us authority over darkness (Mark 3:14). You always win (Psalm 10). You promise peace & victory (Psalm 4). Jesus you are my stronghold, my peace, my savior, my father, my salvation.Greater Joy is only found in you (Jeremiah 31)." Now as I am home and living life in quarantine, the Lord is continually whispering His goodness into my heart and challenging me to grow in His spirit every day.

The song, "Rest on us"that describes the first filling of the Holy Spirit in Acts, characterized this trip, and now it characterizes my life;

"As the Spirit was moving over the waters Spirit, come move over us Come rest on us Come rest on us As the Spirit was moving over the waters Spirit, come move over us Come rest on us Come rest on us

Come down Spirit, when You move You make my heart pound When You fill the room You're here and I know You are moving I'm here and I know You will fill me."

Now, a lot of the worship songs make sense. Now, I understand that the Word is ALIVE. Now, I know that He is here and that He is moving. Thank you, Jesus for teaching me so much. The Lord revealed himself in ways I cannot fully describe.

He is ALIVE. He is SETTING THE CAPTIVES FREE. He is WELCOMING HIS CHILDREN HOME. He is REDEEMING THIS EARTH. He is DRENCHING THE LAND WITH HIS HOLY SPIRIT. This is something you do not want to miss out on. Please - ask me about it!

Also this trip gifted me with the sweetest friendships, best memories, and once in a life time experiences. He is so faithful and so kind. He's such a good Dad!!